Love Alarm S2E3 37:58 - 38:13

There are some questions I'd like to ask anybody who knows me. You don't have to answer. You can just hear me out, and that will do.

I'll let you know how I'm doing these days.

I haven't seen anybody other than my family for almost a week or two. The ECQ is one thing, and insecurity is another. I locked up myself inside the middle of the house we're living in, and it's both suffocating and satisfying. Before I know, I find myself watching the same video and listening to the same song over and over again, but it's not tiring. It gives me a sense of relief that I at least know what's going to happen and how the song goes, so I can sing along with it. The days and nights are constant — it is always bound to occur, and it's just repetitive, like how I always wake up and sleeps at a specific time.

As I've mentioned earlier, insecurity is another. I find it hard to face my peers now, as I feel insecure knowing that they're living a better life than I do.

Ever since this pandemic started, I studied several things not to let my time be a waste. Programming languages, photo editing, video editing, applying for jobs, honing my language proficiency, writing, and whatnot. My days might be recurring, but it's not entirely the same. I tried doing everything I could, and I did my best, but how come I couldn't gain anything from it? Wanting something new, I tried doing something different, but it didn't work out well. I just realized that maybe I'm not doing my best, or maybe I don't really like being in here in the first place? Personally, I don't have an answer, and it left me with some questions too.

I want to write, but I have so much in mind that it will probably take me years to finish it. I'm desperate to vent, but I couldn't find the right words to describe my thoughts. It feels like I've been skipping too many songs on my playlist that I have no idea what I should listen to. For the past two weeks, I spent my days sending resumes to every company I could find, and I'm also doing my best to stay alive.

I've grown accustomed to everything in my surroundings, except for one thing; the looks in their eyes. That's what I can't stand. Imagine going outside, and you'll see those eyes staring at you as if it's telling you something you'll never want to hear? Clearly, they're saying something. Feels like I've been interrogated every time I take a step, and it's so uncomfortable.

I know every single one of you has something to say. I'm doing my best, and I'm doing everything I could.

Here are the questions I'd like to ask anybody who knows me. You don't have to answer. You can just hear me out, and that will do.

You might probably think that it's being taken out of context, but these words are the exact words that describe what I want to say.

Read the title, and watch that part.