A writer's mind and a movie.

"I'm always fascinated by how a writer's mind works. I can't deny it."

Every time I watch a movie, I always tend to utter those words unintentionally. I just can't help it. Everyone around me knows I'm a movie enthusiast, and I would say they're right. Though there's a catch, I often watch movies that are about suicides. Recently, in the middle of a movie with my friend, he said something about how the writer must've experienced those scenarios before and probably took it as an inspiration for the movie. He has a point, but I thought it was a joke and laughed. Not until I got home, I contemplated what he said and thought about the exact time the sun rose yesterday.

Five years ago, there was this movie that I've watched. Everything is different back then, as well as what's this movie all about. It's not about suicide but about a man dying. Before watching this, I always believed that movies exaggerate the way a person would react to someone's death. Little did I know, writers know better than the viewers. The movie has no title, and it only has one character; the man himself. It's several days long, but I watched it all along in the middle of a room full of agony. Definitely not entertaining, but appreciably more emotional than I thought. The man couldn't say any words, but I can feel his emotion as his tears ran down his face. He was not speaking, yet I can hear his thoughts and what he was trying to say. He wants me, as his viewer, to live my life to the fullest. As the sound of screaming and crying in my surrounding loudens, I also feel emotional as the movie reaches its end. The movie ended abruptly, as the man's wife closes his eyes at the same time.

I tried to cry, but I can't. I'm bothered by the man and what he probably wanted to say. Since then, that movie got a special place in my heart, and I continued living with it. Left hanging and unanswered, I attempted to seek answers for myself.

Several years have passed, yet I still don't have the answers I've been looking for. I'm still confused and bothered. Even though the movie has ended, it continuously plays inside my head. It's much more emotional today than any other day. Maybe because the sun rose at the exact same time as yesterday? I don't know too. It just seems like it rises too slow but sets too fast.

This day, I woke up around 5:30. Nothing different as I'm used to waking up that time, but the sky looks brighter. It feels nostalgic. I opened my phone, saw the date, and thought to myself, this is probably why.

I'm always fascinated by how a writer's mind works, and I can't deny it. The past five years of my life are indeed a mess but also a blessing. Almost everything has changed, except for the fact that I'm still me, and I'm still living like this.

My life is a movie that doesn't have a McGuffin, and this is my script. I'm the one who wrote this.

Today marks the fifth death anniversary of my father, and his life was a movie too. His death influenced me a lot up to this day. If you're watching me somewhere, I'd like to say I still have stories left unshared for you. Mother and I are currently looking for a job. She was cut off from her work last week due to a lack of funds. You don't have to worry about your youngest son. He's eating well, and he's fatter than ever. If we'll ever meet again someday, let's sit for a drink. I'll take a cup of coffee, and I'll bring you your alcohol of choice. I'll tell you how my life went after that day, and help me understand how your life goes before that day.